Broken Dreams
by Loren
Summary: Seifer up down to the moment he joined Edea. "Gunning Down Romance" by Savage Garden. The first part is probably the best. I spent most of my time on that part. Flame me if you will.


Boring Legal Disclaimer: FF8 belongs to Squaresoft. Boy, isn't that an understatement? Anyway, the song "Gunning Down Romance" is by Savage Garden. I haven't heard it in a while so when I listened to it, I got inspired. I even had a "vision" of how this story would go. It was intense. The song is, of course, one of my favorite songs too. Except the Hallmark card part. So just ignore that part. If you ever get the chance to listen to this song, please do. This is sorta going to be like "Returning to Eden", just not about the end. So read it and review. Even if you have to flame me, write a review about how disgustingly awful it was and blah blah blah.   
  
----  
Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain  
In your brain  
And feelings of aggression  
Are the absence of the love drug in your veins  
In your veins  
----  
  
Squall blocked his advance quicker than he had expected. Seifer swung once more, determined to not let that meager failure happen again.   
  
I can't let him win this one, Seifer thought stubbornly. If I defeat him, I'll be able to beat almost anyone. I can't afford to yield!   
  
His antagonist lunged, gunblade flinging. Seifer barely blocked it in time. What started out to be a brief training exercise, turned to chaos. The instincts took complete control. The fighters' bodies became no more than tools to the adrenaline that surged within them.   
  
Squall started to charge at him, with a twisted look of rage in his eyes. The tension could no longer be ignored. He had been pushed to the limit's edge.   
  
Seifer held out his outstretched hand. It didn't mock terror that would arrive into the warriors when the fight would end. He felt his palm tingle as the heat built up. It was the only real emotion he had felt since the battle became seriously intense.  
  
His rival flew back a few feet onto the ground. He glared darkly at his opponent. Seifer despised it. The scowl that had glanced back at him for years and was imprinted, ceaselessly, into his memory. He couldn't stand the sight of it anymore. No more.  
  
Blood spattered onto the soil. Squall looked up at the dripping blood, in subtle shock. The lion leapt up. Seifer stood, confused. He began to realize the damage he had done, but not the true reason behind the ire that was now draining away.  
  
It was too late to react. The blade was already swiping by.  
  
  
-----  
Love come quickly  
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in  
It's on the brink  
Love come quickly  
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in  
It's in my skin  
-----  
  
" You were only looking for a fight," the instructor scolded him.  
  
" My dear instructor. I'm hurt. Those are rather cruel words for an aspiring student. A mediocre instructor like you will never understand," he threw back.  
  
" Seifer, don't be so stuck on yourself. You'll take all responsibility for leaving the designated area," Xu replied.  
  
" Isn't it the captain's duty to take the best possible action?" Seifer asked, not willing to give in yet.  
  
" Seifer, you'll never be a SeeD. Calling yourself a captain is a joke," Xu snorted and walked away. Her words tore through his mind and recited itself over and over. Seifer could feel the truth behind the message. The sealed guarantee. He held his head in shame. He had failed his dream. The only aspiration that kept him going. The fantasy that made him so aggressive to succeed.   
  
Squall just stood there, only a couple feet away. He heard the entire conversation that had occurred, yet he remained silent. His face showed no specific expression. It always did.  
  
He's probably laughing inside, Seifer thought darkly.  
  
" How am I going to explain this?" Seifer muttered to himself. He knew Rinoa would be that the inauguration party tonight. She was expecting him to leave with her to help the Timber Owls.   
  
Seifer failed as her knight. He wasn't going to be anyone's hero. Nothing BIG, just another jerk with a gunblade. The dream was over.  
  
-----  
Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine  
They're morphine  
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen  
Rarely seen  
Love I beg you  
Lift me up into that privileged point of view  
The world of two  
Love don't leave me  
Because I console myself that Hallmark™ cards are true  
I really do  
-----  
  
The room was lit with a golden aura. Some people danced while others discussed issues and topics that wouldn't interest much of anyone.   
  
Others just stood and watched.   
  
Seifer sipped a bit of his drink. Not much else to do at this boring inauguration party.   
  
Especially when you're not a SeeD, a voice inside said bitterly.   
  
He shrugged and watched the fireworks. He secretly wished they were meant for him too.  
  
They won't ever, he thought spitefully. What can I do now? When all I have is a dream that I'll never have come true.  
  
Seifer tipped his wine glass towards the sky, letting the lights glimmer through it like some sort of amazing kaleidoscope.  
  
" To dreams," he whispered and took another sip. Seifer opened his eyes and saw her. He almost dropped the glass. She walked in the room and it seemed her presence had brightened it. She flipped her long black hair behind her shoulder and looked around.  
  
It was Rinoa. A girl who he had spent the last summer with. She actually came. He thought she wouldn't make it all the way from Timber, where she had been staying.  
  
Don't fail now. She asked for your help with convincing the Headmaster to assist her in a certain long term project.   
  
Isn't that partly why I wanted to be a SeeD? So Cid could send me to help the Timber Owls? Then I'd get to spend more time with her and be her hero. I wanted to be her hero.   
  
Seifer shut his eyes and took another drink to calm his nerves. As he sipped, he opened his eyes and saw Rinoa dancing gracefully.   
  
Beautiful angel, he thought as he recalled the times they had danced on dates. She never failed to take his breath away.  
  
He couldn't see who she was dancing and laughing with. She was too far off now. The other dancers had also helped block the mystery man.   
  
Rinoa stumbled. Another dancing couple sneered.   
  
Then Seifer saw her mysterious dance partner. He had the same gray eyed loner look. His hair messy as always. His face held very little emotion, a trait he had expressed throughout the years.  
  
Squall... I thought Rinoa had more refined taste than that, his thoughts of hate started to rise.   
  
" What a joke," Seifer muttered.   
  
Squall was on my team to Dollet. Why interest could she have in him? He's a real prick  
  
He had remembered talking to Rinoa about Squall last summer. Rinoa was interested in why Seifer was one of the gunblade expert and he was about to tell her about his rival, but he didn't. The moment was so amazing and he didn't want to ruin it.  
  
What is Squall to me? In a strange way, he seemed like a brother. Like a worst enemy I just couldn't kill. I had the courage, the strength, and the knowledge of how he fights to do it, but I couldn't. It would have been much more simple growing up in the Garden if weren't true.  
  
Rinoa waved goodbye to Squall and headed over to the Headmaster. As she walked by, she smiled at him, unaware of the betrayal she had just committed.  
  
-----  
I'm gunning down romance  
It never did a thing for me  
But heartache and misery  
Nothing but a tragedy  
... Love don't leave me  
-----  
  
Seifer held a blade to the old man's throat. Deling cursed a few empty threats, but it was ignored. Everything was going according to his plan, until a certain spunky blonde Chicken-wuss blurted out their affiliation with the Garden.  
  
" I see… So you're all from Garden. Should anything happen to me, the entire Galbadian military will undoubtedly crush Garden. You can let go of me now," Deling laughed.   
  
Seifer shut out his words, trying to focus on what to do next. The others merely stood there.   
  
I'm going to have to kill him. Right here, right now. He's an evil man. I don't think he'd be missed. People will understand. They'll have to. Will this fix everything?   
  
Then a woman appeared in the corner of his eye. She was darkly dressed, with an exotic glimmer in her eyes.   
  
She spoke as if she knew him. As if she knew every detail, every thought, and every memory. The energy in the air tried to bring him into a trance, but he fought it away.   
  
He didn't even realize the others were frozen in animation.  
  
" …Poor, poor boy…" the lady in black said, in a pitiful tone that she knew Seifer would resent.  
  
" Stay away from me!" he took a step back, Deling still in his grasp.  
  
" Such a confused little boy. Are you going to step forward? Retreat? You have to decide," she came closer.  
  
" Stay back," he threatened.  
  
" The boy in you is telling you to come. The adult in you is telling you to back off. You can't make up your mind. You don't know the right answer. You want help, don't you? You want to be saved from this predicament."  
  
" Shut up!" Seifer snapped back.  
  
" Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Besides, you're only a little boy."   
  
" I'm not… Stop calling me a little boy," Seifer replied. He tried to ignore her words, but they couldn't be forced away anymore.   
  
" You don't want to be a boy anymore?" she wondered, playing on his words.   
  
" I'm not a BOY!"   
  
" Come with me to a place of no return. Bid farewell to your childhood," she beckoned. Seifer released Deling from his grip. The cowering old man ran away.  
  
He was of his own free will in that peaceful moment, despite what he knew would be remembered as. Nobody knew about his dream. Or cared for that matter.   
  
Perhaps it isn't dead after all. This is my chance. I have nothing else to lose.   
  
  
-----  
Take these broken wings  
I'm going to take these broken wings  
And learn to fly  
And learn to fly away  
And learn to fly away  
I'm gunning down romance  
  



End file.
